Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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