I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Houston, we have a blender
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
