I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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