I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize