She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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