I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
