if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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