pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
