and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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