when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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