I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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