just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
