I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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