yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I met the friendliest cop last night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
