we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i love accidental penises.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
