I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
