You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
