what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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