Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
