Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
