how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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