The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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