Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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