did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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