Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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