so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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