So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
