I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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