thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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