He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
