just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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