Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
