i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
