I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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