why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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