I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
