so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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