Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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