if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
