he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
