You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
