I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize