I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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