Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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