so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
