I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
