At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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