I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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