He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
