My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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