grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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