Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
