whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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