Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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