Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
