He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
