wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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