The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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