Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
