He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
