if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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