When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
