last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
