I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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