Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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