I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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