bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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