you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
