Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
