ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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