At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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