I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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