it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
