I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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