I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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