She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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