At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
