He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize