And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
why is half of my head shaved?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
