She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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