He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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