I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize