You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
