The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize