i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
