Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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