I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need a beard to bite.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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