Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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