remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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